‘How to break the news’

So now it is a recession. Furthermore, this recession will be longer and deeper than at first thought. I don’t know about you dear reader, but I am heartily sick and tired of being treated like the same kind of idiot by the ruling Politicians who are running about like headless chickens, and being spoken to by those same ruling Politicians as if I was as inanely stupid as they are.

First we had ‘there will be a slight dip’, meanwhile we all drummed our fingers on the table wondering when they would get to the point, this was while repossessions were soaring, companies and individuals were going into bankruptcy at an ever accelerating rate. Then we had ‘there will be a bit of a depression, but not a recession’, we carried on drumming our fingers and shaking our heads, these guys were running out of road fast, but could not see it, or chose not to in their looking glass world of Politics. Then came the shock horror news that ‘this may be a recession’. We all yawned and wondered why it took them so long. Meanwhile they, that is the Politicians who had done nothing whilst this situation was bearing down on us like an out of control bus, started to act all tough, and pretend they really had got a grip on things, we weren’t fooled, and we won’t be at the elections across the world next time round. Following this, by a couple of weeks, so we, the stupid public could get a grip on their previous statement you understand, they delivered the news that actually ‘there was a recession’. Hurrah we all shouted, at last they seemed to be taking those first steps away from the self delusional world they all inhabit, until the voter gets rid of them that is.

However, worse was now to come. They all truly thought they could do something about it. Having let the Genie of a deregulated market out of the bottle, they fully expected to put that Genie back. They hummed and they pondered, they looked concerned and semi intellectual (yes I know, a difficult thing for them to manage, but they tried, so give them credit), they held meetings (always a good thing to do if you are bored and lonely I suppose), they discussed, they cogitated, they ruminated. Meanwhile we sat there wondering what had possessed us to let such a bunch of nitwits and incompetent nincompoops take control, and not on a local scale but on a global scale. I put it down to mass hysteria myself. Anyway, I digress. Next up, we had news that ‘the recession would be short and sharp’. This would be like a short sharp shock would it? Something like an electric shock perhaps? By this time, we could see their lips were moving, but we had now switched off to their ramblings. It was all getting old news, the day to day toil of putting one foot in front of the other was now more important. It would be wise on that last point, not to let your incumbent ruling Party Politician know, he or she may well suffer a complete breakdown if they really knew how insignificant we really thought them.

And so we come to this latest statement. We are now told, with a complete lack of any kind of humility, ‘the recession will be longer and deeper than at first thought’. This ‘first thought’ would be when? Would it be earlier this year as all the cracks in the dam started to appear but still they partied at the base? Or would it be at any of the 5 steps of complete self delusional ineptitude we have seen above.

I leave that decision to you.